This letter blew me away! It highlights our current societal issues, like external validation, material wealth pursuit, and addiction, and paints a vivid picture for the reader. It offers a critical view of our consumption-driven culture and the vast waste it generates, stressing where our focus should shift – towards fulfilling fundamental needs of love, belonging, and true connection. This is indeed the next chapter for humanity. I sincerely hope that these letters illuminate the path forward for future generations, making the invisible visible and guiding them through the complexities of life.
Ronit, your words are a powerful and timely reminder that the essence of life isn’t about “controlling” time, but about being fully present in the now. The way you trace the evolution from survival to love and belonging—and how we’ve collectively lost our way—is unsettling and fascinating. It’s like you’re holding up a mirror to the parts of me/us we’re too afraid to face or say out loud. Thank you for bringing your wisdom to light.
What struck me most is how our need for connection is vital for our survival, and as unmet as ever. It’s sobering to realize that we’re all just a “series of nows”, grasping at some illusion of control, while life slips by moment by moment.
Your question, "Are you even aware that the need to control it—and even worse, control the future—in fact controls you?" hit hard. It makes me wonder what if the very thing I’m trying to control is what’s keeping me from truly feeling alive? I need to sit with this some more, but it feels profound.
I’m curious and would love to hear how others navigate the tension between surrender and the urge to hold on. And what might open up if we allowed ourselves to let go of striving and simply be with what is?
Eda, to me, it’s suffering when I hold on to things that I know (or don’t know) are to be surrendered to. This is what I’m in awe of and grappling with. I am the catalyst prolonging my own pain (cringe). And, I feel less cringe saying it aloud. I’m sure I’m not alone here.
I love your question Eda, and you are certainly not alone Dazia.
I often fall into control and suffering, even when I "know" letting go is better and what I truly want is love and belonging. Sometimes I see the pattern but don't feel the cost enough to change. Other times, as Ronit describes, I don’t see it at all, or I resist seeing, because deep down I fear I can’t handle the pain this denial is protecting me from. Sometimes my need to control comes from wordless early experiences, non-verbal, so letting go is a daunting process. Sometimes, it’s all of the above.
For years, I was told I had a passive-aggressive anger streak that deeply hurt myself and others, often rooted in feeling controlled or needing to control others so I didn't feel some pain of not being loved or belonging. At first, I couldn’t see it; I believed anger only caused harm and I wasn’t someone who got angry. Then with help I began to notice the pattern, but it was too painful to fully face so I did little to change. Eventually, the harm I caused outweighed my defenses, and I began to surrender.
Though the roots of my control and anger go back to preverbal experiences, I now dive into therapy to rewire those patterns. I’m learning to acknowledge my anger and its impact, and shift the way I behave - it no longer controls me as much. I am just beginning to allow in the love of myself and from others, and feel the belonging. This shift has taken years, deep support from Ronit and others, and I feel some shame and awe sharing this. But I see how necessary it is to come together in the way Ronit is calling for. And this is only one mechanism of control in my life!!!!
Ronit, I really appreciate the perspective of history and the social & emotional development of the Boomer generation. It’s says a lot about our capacity to evolve up and down Maslow’s Hierarchy.
Two things you mentioned that stuck with me were, “Love, belonging, and connection must become the foundation of the next chapter of our human story.” And how originally, “this movement for love and belonging lacked a strong foundation” and was hijacked.
The questions I’m sitting with are:
1. What is essential to the foundation of love and belonging, so much so that it shifts from a movement to a core human way of being in life?
2. How do we make love and belonging a priority on a larger scale, especially given the collapse we are now seeing and experiencing?
3. Do we all have the same understanding of love and belonging?
Thank you for continuing to open my eyes, heart, and soul in every letter.
Dazia, your questions are deep, and the answers are complex. Many of them will be explored in the coming letters.
In the meantime, I’d love to take up Jill’s suggestion to organize a virtual community discussion where we can explore these questions and the letters more broadly—together. Inviting people who are interested to raise their voices.
Dazia I really resonate with your questions. I often times find myself trying to have all the answers. Especially with the historical perspective laid out in letter three, and how clear the need for love, belonging, and connection is in our society - it makes me want to jump and “figure this all out”, but really it’s more about asking the right questions right now than having all the answers!
I had to read this letter word by word out loud, slowly. I am exactly one of those that constantly try to control, even though I feel most alive when I don’t. The need for control deadens possibilities in my life, testament to a lack of humility, curiosity and imagination. Reading your letter illuminated the prison of my own making - but I also felt the scent of spring, hope and possibility.
What floored me was how you weave the history of human development over the last 50 years seamlessly into what feels like my personal life story. All too well I recognize my own searching for “lower level” needs, the pursuit of distractions or substitutes. The elegant connection between the "micro and the macro" that you made helped me feel how I am a part of this greater development of humanity as a whole, how we're collectively on that path towards "level 3." Reading your advice on where to look - inside, with unconditional love - encourages me. Thank you for this gift!
Beloved Ronit, I feel the meticulous love, care and refinement, the gift you share here now. I see myself in the light of, as an intuitive musician, how surrendering control allows me to be a possibility of something greater than my conditioned ego. "Making love visible... to see clearly how the neurological and psychological barriers—born from early adaptive strategies—stand in the way of experiencing the connections we so desperately seek" is a powerful and profound invitation to engage in greater connectivity, human being as a verb, not just noun. In making love visible to ourselves and all, as the way to reconnect, and understand these barriers, is essential. Thank you for this wonderful invitation and reminder. I feel pure love, gratitutde, inspiration and humility. Your historical context I pray allows people who suffer from excess control to allow the magic of surrender, because it is the willingness to improvise where Spirit can best commune with us. I have been refining a way for love to the the foundation of human civilization for almost ten years now, with this vision to be shared in its first structured form soon. So grateful and thankful for your light and love in my (our) life.
Ronit, I find your writing incredibly thought-provoking, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to engage with it.
There are a couple of aspects you mention that have left me reflecting deeply. The most curious part, in my view, is choice itself. Are we inherently programmed to make decisions, or is there wisdom in letting go and simply experiencing life as it unfolds? When we look back at the rebellious spirit of the 60s, was it driven by a desire to carve out a sense of individuality, even though the world seemed to offer comfort and structure? In a way, this seems to echo the story of Adam and Eve—despite living in paradise, they were driven by a deep need to ‘know’ and choose for themselves, breaking the perfection of heaven in the process.
The second thread I’ve been exploring is the balance between living in the now, which I wholeheartedly agree with, and planning for the future. If I understand correctly, living too much outside of the present moment can lead to polarization and disaster, yet this very letter series is about planning for the future (which I also agree with). This seems like an interesting paradox. Perhaps it’s in the pursuit of a purpose that we find a way to reconcile both. If we walk toward a meaningful goal in the present, we may discover that the joy of the now is so profound that we don’t need to think too much about the future, even as we are, in a sense, building it with every step. Purpose, after all, tends to be a forward-looking idea.
Finally, I’ve been thinking about the connection between us humans. When purpose feels unclear, I believe it’s easy to get caught up in external validation—worrying about how others see us or how many likes we get. This can create confusion between being loved and simply being accepted. I believe, humbly, that true connection can transcends views and opinions. maybe we don’t need to agree to be connected, we simply need to create space for one another, recognizing that every person has a unique spark, a soul, and that connection is deeper than external validation.
I’m excited to continue following your letters, especially those on reprogramming the brain. Since purposes can sometimes collide and create internal conflict, it will be interesting to learn about practices that can help purpose, flexibility, and acceptance coexist.
Barak - I feel your curiosity and living into these questions. I am glad to meet you here in this way and that we get an opportunity to explore these topics together. Your reflections on external validation / purpose hit home. Becoming connected to purpose has had so many twists and turns for me, and at different times I've become connected to different aspects of purpose, from the meta purpose of my life and who I am to the micro purpose of any action I am taking in this moment. I will sit with your inquiry more, yet in this moment I can feel the yearning for others to validate my existence / "love" me when I am disconnected to any type of purpose.
Glad to meet you here as well Eric. Thank you for reading and sharing.
I can relate - me and many of the people I know experience periods of focus on strong purpose and others where the longing for validation from loved ones takes center stage. I guess, and this is just my thought, that’s what makes each period interesting and worth having in its own time.
Hi Barak, Thank you for your thoughtful comment and compelling questions. The answers are layered and will continue to unfold in the upcoming letters. There's been interest in hosting an online conversation for those who want to explore this material more deeply. If enough people are interested, we’ll set one up soon. Would you like to be part of that discussion?
Barak, your quote hit me deeply. "I believe, humbly, that true connection can transcends views and opinions. maybe we don’t need to agree to be connected, we simply need to create space for one another, recognizing that every person has a unique spark, a soul, and that connection is deeper than external validation." I think this is mandatory as we start now and look to the future.
Your writing drawing up into the twists and turns, the weaving of what sometimes feels disparate but then will be woven together (as you forewarned or prepared us for in the last letter) has most definitely begun here. The line that most viscerally spoke to me in where I am now is the paradox that our obsession/anxiety to control the future actually ends up controlling us now. Made me think about what’s my balance of future-oriented intentional planning and actions vs presence to the now, what’s happening inside and outside me now, and how that informs the future that’ll actually come to pass…
This letter really hits home for me. I see myself in what you describe. It is challenging for me to put into words how I feel about it because I feel like I am just beginning to really learn how to belong to myself and belong to something much greater than me — “the intelligence that shapes and sustains all life.” For so long, I have been in the desperate seeking that you describe, driven by the “ache” of my internal void. It was like being on an internal rat race, endlessly searching through my “do gooder actions”...do you see me now? Do you love me now? Am I worthy now? Little to my own awareness, my unconscious story of I am not worthy seemed to be the axis of my existence. I am very grateful that I can now see and embrace this mechanism “my wiring to connect” for what it is, and now discover and practice every day what it means and feels like to truly belong to myself and the dance of life that I am a part of.
Ronit, I found myself in this letter. I felt as if you were putting words to feelings I’ve carried for so long. That quiet longing for love, for true connection, for a sense of belonging, I know it well. It has shaped much of my life, even in ways I didn’t fully see or understand until recently.
There were times when I tried to fill that emptiness with doing more, achieving more, being “enough.” But underneath it all, I was just wanting to feel safe being myself, to be seen, accepted and loved without needing to prove anything.
Your letter reminded me that I’m not alone in this, and that this longing is something human and beautiful. Thank you for putting into words something I’ve felt so many times but couldn’t always express.
This letter blew me away! It highlights our current societal issues, like external validation, material wealth pursuit, and addiction, and paints a vivid picture for the reader. It offers a critical view of our consumption-driven culture and the vast waste it generates, stressing where our focus should shift – towards fulfilling fundamental needs of love, belonging, and true connection. This is indeed the next chapter for humanity. I sincerely hope that these letters illuminate the path forward for future generations, making the invisible visible and guiding them through the complexities of life.
Ronit, your words are a powerful and timely reminder that the essence of life isn’t about “controlling” time, but about being fully present in the now. The way you trace the evolution from survival to love and belonging—and how we’ve collectively lost our way—is unsettling and fascinating. It’s like you’re holding up a mirror to the parts of me/us we’re too afraid to face or say out loud. Thank you for bringing your wisdom to light.
What struck me most is how our need for connection is vital for our survival, and as unmet as ever. It’s sobering to realize that we’re all just a “series of nows”, grasping at some illusion of control, while life slips by moment by moment.
Your question, "Are you even aware that the need to control it—and even worse, control the future—in fact controls you?" hit hard. It makes me wonder what if the very thing I’m trying to control is what’s keeping me from truly feeling alive? I need to sit with this some more, but it feels profound.
I’m curious and would love to hear how others navigate the tension between surrender and the urge to hold on. And what might open up if we allowed ourselves to let go of striving and simply be with what is?
Eda, to me, it’s suffering when I hold on to things that I know (or don’t know) are to be surrendered to. This is what I’m in awe of and grappling with. I am the catalyst prolonging my own pain (cringe). And, I feel less cringe saying it aloud. I’m sure I’m not alone here.
I love your question Eda, and you are certainly not alone Dazia.
I often fall into control and suffering, even when I "know" letting go is better and what I truly want is love and belonging. Sometimes I see the pattern but don't feel the cost enough to change. Other times, as Ronit describes, I don’t see it at all, or I resist seeing, because deep down I fear I can’t handle the pain this denial is protecting me from. Sometimes my need to control comes from wordless early experiences, non-verbal, so letting go is a daunting process. Sometimes, it’s all of the above.
For years, I was told I had a passive-aggressive anger streak that deeply hurt myself and others, often rooted in feeling controlled or needing to control others so I didn't feel some pain of not being loved or belonging. At first, I couldn’t see it; I believed anger only caused harm and I wasn’t someone who got angry. Then with help I began to notice the pattern, but it was too painful to fully face so I did little to change. Eventually, the harm I caused outweighed my defenses, and I began to surrender.
Though the roots of my control and anger go back to preverbal experiences, I now dive into therapy to rewire those patterns. I’m learning to acknowledge my anger and its impact, and shift the way I behave - it no longer controls me as much. I am just beginning to allow in the love of myself and from others, and feel the belonging. This shift has taken years, deep support from Ronit and others, and I feel some shame and awe sharing this. But I see how necessary it is to come together in the way Ronit is calling for. And this is only one mechanism of control in my life!!!!
I needed to read this today. Thank you. <3
Ronit, I really appreciate the perspective of history and the social & emotional development of the Boomer generation. It’s says a lot about our capacity to evolve up and down Maslow’s Hierarchy.
Two things you mentioned that stuck with me were, “Love, belonging, and connection must become the foundation of the next chapter of our human story.” And how originally, “this movement for love and belonging lacked a strong foundation” and was hijacked.
The questions I’m sitting with are:
1. What is essential to the foundation of love and belonging, so much so that it shifts from a movement to a core human way of being in life?
2. How do we make love and belonging a priority on a larger scale, especially given the collapse we are now seeing and experiencing?
3. Do we all have the same understanding of love and belonging?
Thank you for continuing to open my eyes, heart, and soul in every letter.
Dazia, your questions are deep, and the answers are complex. Many of them will be explored in the coming letters.
In the meantime, I’d love to take up Jill’s suggestion to organize a virtual community discussion where we can explore these questions and the letters more broadly—together. Inviting people who are interested to raise their voices.
These letters are alive and I feel how important it is to share them and discuss. I will follow up with Jill on virtual organizing.
Dazia I really resonate with your questions. I often times find myself trying to have all the answers. Especially with the historical perspective laid out in letter three, and how clear the need for love, belonging, and connection is in our society - it makes me want to jump and “figure this all out”, but really it’s more about asking the right questions right now than having all the answers!
I had to read this letter word by word out loud, slowly. I am exactly one of those that constantly try to control, even though I feel most alive when I don’t. The need for control deadens possibilities in my life, testament to a lack of humility, curiosity and imagination. Reading your letter illuminated the prison of my own making - but I also felt the scent of spring, hope and possibility.
What floored me was how you weave the history of human development over the last 50 years seamlessly into what feels like my personal life story. All too well I recognize my own searching for “lower level” needs, the pursuit of distractions or substitutes. The elegant connection between the "micro and the macro" that you made helped me feel how I am a part of this greater development of humanity as a whole, how we're collectively on that path towards "level 3." Reading your advice on where to look - inside, with unconditional love - encourages me. Thank you for this gift!
Beloved Ronit, I feel the meticulous love, care and refinement, the gift you share here now. I see myself in the light of, as an intuitive musician, how surrendering control allows me to be a possibility of something greater than my conditioned ego. "Making love visible... to see clearly how the neurological and psychological barriers—born from early adaptive strategies—stand in the way of experiencing the connections we so desperately seek" is a powerful and profound invitation to engage in greater connectivity, human being as a verb, not just noun. In making love visible to ourselves and all, as the way to reconnect, and understand these barriers, is essential. Thank you for this wonderful invitation and reminder. I feel pure love, gratitutde, inspiration and humility. Your historical context I pray allows people who suffer from excess control to allow the magic of surrender, because it is the willingness to improvise where Spirit can best commune with us. I have been refining a way for love to the the foundation of human civilization for almost ten years now, with this vision to be shared in its first structured form soon. So grateful and thankful for your light and love in my (our) life.
Ronit, I find your writing incredibly thought-provoking, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to engage with it.
There are a couple of aspects you mention that have left me reflecting deeply. The most curious part, in my view, is choice itself. Are we inherently programmed to make decisions, or is there wisdom in letting go and simply experiencing life as it unfolds? When we look back at the rebellious spirit of the 60s, was it driven by a desire to carve out a sense of individuality, even though the world seemed to offer comfort and structure? In a way, this seems to echo the story of Adam and Eve—despite living in paradise, they were driven by a deep need to ‘know’ and choose for themselves, breaking the perfection of heaven in the process.
The second thread I’ve been exploring is the balance between living in the now, which I wholeheartedly agree with, and planning for the future. If I understand correctly, living too much outside of the present moment can lead to polarization and disaster, yet this very letter series is about planning for the future (which I also agree with). This seems like an interesting paradox. Perhaps it’s in the pursuit of a purpose that we find a way to reconcile both. If we walk toward a meaningful goal in the present, we may discover that the joy of the now is so profound that we don’t need to think too much about the future, even as we are, in a sense, building it with every step. Purpose, after all, tends to be a forward-looking idea.
Finally, I’ve been thinking about the connection between us humans. When purpose feels unclear, I believe it’s easy to get caught up in external validation—worrying about how others see us or how many likes we get. This can create confusion between being loved and simply being accepted. I believe, humbly, that true connection can transcends views and opinions. maybe we don’t need to agree to be connected, we simply need to create space for one another, recognizing that every person has a unique spark, a soul, and that connection is deeper than external validation.
I’m excited to continue following your letters, especially those on reprogramming the brain. Since purposes can sometimes collide and create internal conflict, it will be interesting to learn about practices that can help purpose, flexibility, and acceptance coexist.
Thank you for sharing your insights.
Barak - I feel your curiosity and living into these questions. I am glad to meet you here in this way and that we get an opportunity to explore these topics together. Your reflections on external validation / purpose hit home. Becoming connected to purpose has had so many twists and turns for me, and at different times I've become connected to different aspects of purpose, from the meta purpose of my life and who I am to the micro purpose of any action I am taking in this moment. I will sit with your inquiry more, yet in this moment I can feel the yearning for others to validate my existence / "love" me when I am disconnected to any type of purpose.
Glad to meet you here as well Eric. Thank you for reading and sharing.
I can relate - me and many of the people I know experience periods of focus on strong purpose and others where the longing for validation from loved ones takes center stage. I guess, and this is just my thought, that’s what makes each period interesting and worth having in its own time.
Hi Barak, Thank you for your thoughtful comment and compelling questions. The answers are layered and will continue to unfold in the upcoming letters. There's been interest in hosting an online conversation for those who want to explore this material more deeply. If enough people are interested, we’ll set one up soon. Would you like to be part of that discussion?
Absolutely.
Great. I will keep you posted as we move forward. Shavua Tov!
Barak, your quote hit me deeply. "I believe, humbly, that true connection can transcends views and opinions. maybe we don’t need to agree to be connected, we simply need to create space for one another, recognizing that every person has a unique spark, a soul, and that connection is deeper than external validation." I think this is mandatory as we start now and look to the future.
Thank you for reading Dazia. It's a pleasure to meet you here.
Your writing drawing up into the twists and turns, the weaving of what sometimes feels disparate but then will be woven together (as you forewarned or prepared us for in the last letter) has most definitely begun here. The line that most viscerally spoke to me in where I am now is the paradox that our obsession/anxiety to control the future actually ends up controlling us now. Made me think about what’s my balance of future-oriented intentional planning and actions vs presence to the now, what’s happening inside and outside me now, and how that informs the future that’ll actually come to pass…
This letter really hits home for me. I see myself in what you describe. It is challenging for me to put into words how I feel about it because I feel like I am just beginning to really learn how to belong to myself and belong to something much greater than me — “the intelligence that shapes and sustains all life.” For so long, I have been in the desperate seeking that you describe, driven by the “ache” of my internal void. It was like being on an internal rat race, endlessly searching through my “do gooder actions”...do you see me now? Do you love me now? Am I worthy now? Little to my own awareness, my unconscious story of I am not worthy seemed to be the axis of my existence. I am very grateful that I can now see and embrace this mechanism “my wiring to connect” for what it is, and now discover and practice every day what it means and feels like to truly belong to myself and the dance of life that I am a part of.
Ronit, I found myself in this letter. I felt as if you were putting words to feelings I’ve carried for so long. That quiet longing for love, for true connection, for a sense of belonging, I know it well. It has shaped much of my life, even in ways I didn’t fully see or understand until recently.
There were times when I tried to fill that emptiness with doing more, achieving more, being “enough.” But underneath it all, I was just wanting to feel safe being myself, to be seen, accepted and loved without needing to prove anything.
Your letter reminded me that I’m not alone in this, and that this longing is something human and beautiful. Thank you for putting into words something I’ve felt so many times but couldn’t always express.