Letter 7: The Neurons that Fire Together Wire Together

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”

—Viktor Frankl

---

Dear Future Human,

In previous letters, I’ve done my best to prepare you for the complex web of threads I’m planning to share—threads I hope to weave into a coherent tapestry. As I write this, I can’t help but laugh at myself, appreciating how lofty this intention really is—to integrate the threads of evolution, brain science, psychology, sociology, anthropology, philosophy, religion, and spirituality—all the dynamic forces of Nature that shape our current human predicament—into a single, holistic view of the human experience.

But after years of study and applying these insights in my clinical work—with great reliance on intuition—I’ve come to understand many of these fields, some more deeply than others. Along the way, I’ve learned how they interweave to shape our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

You may notice that the all-important field of physics is absent from the list, though it's clearly relevant to understanding consciousness. I've intentionally left it out—the field is currently too fragmented with competing theories to be helpful in this context. I believe future discoveries in physics will validate much of the perspective offered in these letters.

In this letter, I will explore the role that neurobiology plays in shaping our automatic thinking, how it limits our perception, influences many of our decisions, and why it keeps us stuck in old patterns of thought and reactivity. Again, while I am not an expert on this topic, the elements I will be discussing are deeply relevant to the larger discussion I am engaging in with you. My discussion is not intended as a technical or authoritative explanation; rather to give you only the key ideas and perspectives that hopefully will help illuminate the broader points I wish to make.

Recent breakthroughs in neuroscience have been the catalyst in helping me appreciate why we need to intentionally evolve our cognitive capacities by rewiring our brain. Although still in its infancy, the knowledge we have gained so far offers a promising path toward the intentional rewiring of our brain.

In the following discussion, my primary focus is on the role neuroscience plays in shaping our perceptions, thoughts, and behaviors. Before I dive in, let’s briefly review some key points:

· Humanity is currently failing to respond effectively to the critical threats we now face¹, and a key reason lies in how our brains are wired to perceive and react to the world.

· At the heart of our emotional brain is the amygdala—an ancient part that evolved, among other roles, to detect immediate visible dangers and trigger quick, instinctive responses.² However, it is not equipped to deal with complicated or distant threats. As a result, distant or abstract dangers, like climate change, economic or social collapse, often fail to activate any sense of urgency or even the need for action.³

· The brain represents only two percent of our body’s weight, yet it consumes 20% of our food energy.⁴ In order to conserve this precious resource, the brain creates shortcuts—habits, assumptions, automatic responses. While efficient, this comes at a great cost. Learning new skills, deep thinking and changing habits require much more energy. Consequently, these shortcuts often keep us in outdated patterns, causing us to react from past experiences instead of responding to the present moment. They can also prevent us from fully perceiving, emotionally registering, or comprehending the broader consequences of our actions.⁵

· Our disconnection from the natural, interdependent world exacerbates this further. Blinded by our belief that we are separate, we fail to see the importance of applying the same scientific rigor to understanding human adaptation and behavior as we do to studying the natural world.

· If we did, we would begin to align ourselves with the deeper intelligence inherent in both our ecological and social ecosystems—and act in ways that are truly responsive and sustainable.

· A different path is possible. By integrating what we already know and studying both ecological wisdom and the functioning of our nervous system, we can develop more coherent and adaptive responses to our environments.

The brain itself is a kind of ecosystem. From the moment we are born, our brains begin weaving an intricate web of connections, where different regions, functions, chemicals and electrical signals are in constant communication with one another. These connections, formed by neurons firing in response to our experiences, are the very foundation of our perception, thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs. The neuroscience principle known as "what fires together, wires together," explains this phenomenon: when several neurons are consistently activated at the same time, the connection between them strengthens.⁶

For babies, this process is happening at lightning speed. A newborn has over 100 billion neurons, but they are not connected yet. When human infants are born, their brains are unfinished—waiting for wiring instructions from the world. These little brains connect themselves to both the physical and social environments around them. It’s through everyday experiences—being cuddled, fed, talked to, or just crawling—that these connections start to form. Research has shown that in the first few years of life, the brain is making over a million new connections every second. This brilliant system evolved to facilitate rapid growth of connections; to help young children learn language, absorb and organize what they hear and see and build social and emotional skills. A child’s daily experiences with their caretakers, other children and overall environment determine which connections get used more—and therefore, strengthened.⁷

However, the brain is very efficient. To conserve energy and resources, it doesn’t keep all connections. Around age two, connections that are seldom used begin to be eliminated. This "use it or lose it" strategy not only conserves energy but also optimizes the brain for the specific environment in which a child is raised.⁸ Myelination—the process by which a fatty substance called myelin wraps around the axons of neurons—insulates neural pathways to make signal transmission faster, reinforcing automaticity in thought and behavior.⁹

The brain structure that is formed in early childhood becomes the foundation upon which all future learning, behavior and health is built. By the time a child starts kindergarten, 90% of this foundational brain structure is already in place.¹⁰ As adults, some neuroscientists estimate that up to 95% of our thinking happens automatically.¹¹ While we may be able to catch our autopilot thoughts and actions, intercepting them requires sustained attention, motivation and rigorous practice. In future letters, I'll explore this more deeply when I examine how adult schemas develop through this automatic mechanism and how we can intervene to rewire them.

A clear and relatable example of how repeated practice turns a new skill into something automatic is learning to drive. Think about how effortlessly you sometimes drive—so much so that you might pull into your driveway with no memory of the trip home from work. This was not the case the first time you slid behind a wheel. Back then, you were likely overwhelmed by the need to pay attention to multiple things at the same time: the gas and brake pedal, the mirrors, the car wheels and the lines on the road, the odometer.

I remember learning to drive. It felt as if my mind was constantly toggling between different, disconnected pieces of information—and somehow, I was supposed to do them all at once, while looking ahead for stop signs.

At some point, with time and repetition, all these disconnected tasks became unified in a single activity that we can perform practically mindlessly, often while sipping coffee, chatting with a friend, or ruminating over an unpleasant interaction in the grocery store. The activity and all that it entails has moved from conscious to automatic.¹²

Automation is how we learned most of what we know. Our brains develop through repeated childhood interactions with our environment, and this pattern continues—the more we repeat any behavior, the faster and more automatic it becomes.

This is also true for how our emotion and attachment systems develop. Warm, responsive caregiving generally provides the child with a more secure attachment development and healthier emotional regulation. Stressful or neglectful environments can lead to overactive stress systems, like a hypersensitive amygdala—the brain’s alarm system. These patterns shape how an adult responds to relationships, fear, and trust.¹³

A child’s earliest relationships and experiences with their parents and other caregivers dramatically influences brain development, social-emotional and cognitive skills, and future health and success in school and life.¹⁴

I invite you to pause for a moment and reflect on the fact that many of our automatic, unconscious feelings, thoughts and behaviors were neurologically embedded in early childhood—when we were most vulnerable, emotionally and cognitively undeveloped, and entirely dependent on the adults around us. Deep down at the root of all our ideas, concepts, behaviors, and even motor functions is a kind of time capsule, containing a trace of our very earliest experiences as human beings. These “rules of engagement” ultimately shape how the brain perceives, interprets, and interacts with itself and with life. They are what give each of us a unique and highly personalized psychological, perceptual, and cognitive lens—and they are all learned in the context of our early environment.

The consequences of this early wiring are profound. As adults, we may believe we are acting freely, yet so many of our responses are conditioned echoes of those formative years. Habits of thought, emotional reactions, patterns in relationships, and even our sense of identity can all be traced back to the scaffolding built in childhood. This is why our triggers feel powerful because they activate these deep structures. It’s why we keep repeating the same conflicts—because we're unconsciously following the same internal patterns. That is why we give up on our New Year’s resolutions after a few weeks of trying—because we're trying to modify behavior without addressing the underlying programming. We mistake our old stories for our true identity instead of recognizing them as adaptations we developed under specific circumstances. Without awareness of how these mechanisms affect our lives, we cannot properly address them—we will continue to live from inherited patterns rather than conscious choice.

But the good news is that healing and growth are always possible—even later in life. Thanks to neuroplasticity, we can develop clear and consistent practices to rewire old neuronal circuits and create new ones. Every time we respond to or engage with our environment and the people around us, neurons are firing and forming new connections. This means, in most cases, even deeply ingrained patterns can change—if met with awareness, motivation, and dedicated practice. We’re not stuck as who we were. Our past doesn't have to determine our future. Every deliberate act and moment of awareness gives us a chance to reshape how we think and tap into more of what we’re capable of.¹⁵

The question before us—did we choose to continue operating from outdated neural circuitries—patterns created in childhood and reinforced into adulthood—or did we choose to consciously and intentionally rewire our brains to better respond to our current environment as it really is?

I don’t know…

Hopeful,

Ronit

1. United Nations Sustainable Development Group, 2024 SDG Report: Global Progress Alarmingly Insufficient, June 2024.

2. Daniel Goleman, Explanation of "Amygdala Hijacks", Emotional Intelligence Clips, December 2020.

3. Ailsa Chang and Daniel Gilbert, Why Climate Change Threats Don't Trigger an Immediate Response From Human Brains, NPR, December 2019.

4. Nikhil Swaminathan, Why Does the Brain Need So Much Power?, Scientific American, April 2008.

5. Kinnu, How do Mental Shortcuts Influence our Decision-Making?, retrieved June 2025.

6. Michael Netzley, What Fires Together, Wires Together, Medium, November 2022.

7. Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, Brain Architecture, retrieved May 2025.

8. Elisabeth Evans, Denali Schmidt, and Alexandra Urban, Synaptic Pruning, Brown University, December 2014.

9. NeuroLaunch, Myelination in the Human Brain: From Development to Adulthood, September 2024.

10. Bipartisan Policy Center, The Science of Early Childhood Development, retrieved May 2025.

11. David Eagleman, Powers of the Subconscious, Closer to Truth, retrieved May 2025.

12. Rhitu Chatterjee, Again! Again! Here’s Why Toddlers Love to Do Things on Repeat, NPR, January 2024.

13. Greer Kirshenbaum, The Power of Being Connected to Your Baby, Psychology Today, October 2024.

14. Jack P. Shonkoff, Brain Builders: Why Healthy Development in Children is So Important, First Five Years Fund, February 2020.

15. Andrew Huberman, What is Neuroplasticity?, The Science and Cocktails Foundation, April 2023.

---