“The child in man is an eternal child, something that becomes and that never finishes growing, that calls for unceasing care, attention, and education.”
I have just finished reading your flailing child letter! It was a deep visit to my childhood past and glimpses of emotions and sensations, some allready concious, but in a different depth now, and some newfound! Thank you for this travel!
I agree, it was a journey to the many experiences of my past where emotions became trapped, and seeing them now, as an adult, I’m able to be with them and get to see the wiring from a new perspective, back then it was just terror and survival for my child as Ronit elucidated.
I read and re-read this letter, and can only say: yes, that flailing part, I can feel it all the time. Anytime I feel a general resistance to life, or “having to do something,” or feeling slothy, plain lazy or inexplicably sad and wanting to wallow. If I check in, all that stuff comes from that place within that has not yet been integrated. Your letter reminds me to be gentle with myself, yet not to give in to the sob stories of my “little one.” 😊
"We often have unrealistic expectations that don’t align with the child’s developmental stage." This is very relevant for me right now in my relationship with my children. I have found myself getting annoyed by their constant asking of the same request when I've already answered what I thought was clearly. If I were to regulate my own emotions in the moment I might recognize that they didn't really hear or absorb my previous answer, and even if they did, they may not be capably of the impulse control required to not ask again when they are feeling like it.
To make matters more tricky, as you say my own Flailing Child has been conditioned to dissociate from my own emotions and so I'm often not able to support my actual children in their present needs because I'm consumed (without realizing it) with my own emotional needs.
Thank you, Ronit, for illuminating the inner emotional landscape and our acquired defenses so eloquently and scientifically. Your teachings (applied through many years of practice in community) have made such a huge positive impact on my life and my family's. The more I learn and grow, the more I recognize how much more growth is required if I am to provide my kids with the father they need and deserve. ❤️
I have just finished reading your flailing child letter! It was a deep visit to my childhood past and glimpses of emotions and sensations, some allready concious, but in a different depth now, and some newfound! Thank you for this travel!
I agree, it was a journey to the many experiences of my past where emotions became trapped, and seeing them now, as an adult, I’m able to be with them and get to see the wiring from a new perspective, back then it was just terror and survival for my child as Ronit elucidated.
I read and re-read this letter, and can only say: yes, that flailing part, I can feel it all the time. Anytime I feel a general resistance to life, or “having to do something,” or feeling slothy, plain lazy or inexplicably sad and wanting to wallow. If I check in, all that stuff comes from that place within that has not yet been integrated. Your letter reminds me to be gentle with myself, yet not to give in to the sob stories of my “little one.” 😊
"We often have unrealistic expectations that don’t align with the child’s developmental stage." This is very relevant for me right now in my relationship with my children. I have found myself getting annoyed by their constant asking of the same request when I've already answered what I thought was clearly. If I were to regulate my own emotions in the moment I might recognize that they didn't really hear or absorb my previous answer, and even if they did, they may not be capably of the impulse control required to not ask again when they are feeling like it.
To make matters more tricky, as you say my own Flailing Child has been conditioned to dissociate from my own emotions and so I'm often not able to support my actual children in their present needs because I'm consumed (without realizing it) with my own emotional needs.
Thank you, Ronit, for illuminating the inner emotional landscape and our acquired defenses so eloquently and scientifically. Your teachings (applied through many years of practice in community) have made such a huge positive impact on my life and my family's. The more I learn and grow, the more I recognize how much more growth is required if I am to provide my kids with the father they need and deserve. ❤️